


Love isn’t as easy as it seems, is it?

by Janebrwn



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Mileven, Multi, Rape, Self Harm, Suicide, elmax - Freeform, stranger things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2020-10-21 20:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20699597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janebrwn/pseuds/Janebrwn
Summary: Mike and el had a thing back in the day but mike decided he liked someone else. But was he sure? Who did he like? How did eleven feel about it? And is being a teenager as easy as it seems?





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so I’m a beginner at story telling so if you have any tips or recommendations for the story please let me know! :) and also my ig and Wattpad is @softiemileven <3

Eleven POV:  
" El?" I heard a soft voice say behind me.

I recognized the voice and immediately turned around. And there he was, they boy of my dreams, though I didn't show it that was truly how I felt

I got lost in those beautiful dark brown eyes. 

"Hey el you ready to go?" He said and I snapped back to reality.

"Oh yea sure, let's go" 

* * *

We had just arrived at mikes house for our study session when Steve Harrington bursts out the door with Nancy right behind.   
"I hate you, never come back here we're over!" I could hear the frustration in Nancy's voice.

"Oh sorry guys" she said with sympathy instead of frustration this time.   
"I didn't realize you were here"

"It's fine we're just gonna go study now" the raven haired boy said to his sister

"Okay good luck" she replied and we all went inside. 

"Sorry about that earlier, Nancy and Steve have been on and if since October" mike said as wr were headed down stairs to the basement

"It's fine, mike" I replied just smelling the sweet but cool sent in the wheelers home. 

* * *  
"Hey it's 7:39 pm I should start heading home" 

"Yea sure, I'll follow you up"

I packed my stuff and headed up the stairs with mike trailing behind. He seemed so nervous for some strange reason, I didn't think much of it and started putting on my coat.

As I was about to leave mike grabbed me by the arm and swung me around.   
"Mi-" I couldn't even finish before it happened. He kissed me. In that moment of our lips touching each other, I felt the happiest and safest I've been for a long time. I felt like nothing else in the world mattered, nothing other than him. 

When we pulled away I smiled and didn't hesitate to show him how happy I was. Though when I looked up and saw his face my smile dropped a bit, not enough for him to notice though. I looked in his eyes and saw regret. 

"Bye mike" I quickly said and forced a smile on my lips and headed out the door. Before he could answer the door was already in his face. 

The whole ride home I kept thinking " did I do something wrong?" " why didn't he like it?" "Was it bad?" "Was I bad?" "Am I bad..?" "He hates me that's it"


	2. The truth behind the smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mainly focusing on how eleven is feeling right now and how she’s feeling with it this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Content May be sensitive to some people ⚠️( brings ups mentions of self harm, eating disorders, depression. So if you’re sensitive to that stuff I wouldn’t recommend this story)Hi so I’m a beginner at story telling so if you have any tips or recommendations for the story please let me know! :) and also my ig and Wattpad is @softiemileven <3

Elevens POV:

I was awakened from my flashback by the school bell. I stared at the clock as everyone left the classroom. I really slept through the whole lesion and the teacher didn't even notice. As I packed up my stuff and headed out the door to my locker I kept thinking why I always had these flashbacks to two years ago. I mean sure I really liked Mike back then and was sure he was the one for me. But he obviously wasn't considering he started dating Molly just two mothers after he kissed me. 

I changed math supplies to chemistry stuff and headed towards the classroom. On the way there I saw Mike and Molly. Ugh they looked so happy together, why can't I ever be happy with anyone or anything. My life always has to be so sad. 

Ever since Mike started moving on and ignoring me I've become severely depressed and stopped eating as well. I did what I could to be happy, to be perfect, to just be enough but it never worked. I mean i tried everything, I tried dieting to be less fat. After that didn't work I've stopped eating nearly anything except for when my dad is home then I have to. 

I tried self harm to be happier, it didn't make me happier but it took away the pain for a brief moment. It made me feel things other than useless and that was good enough for me so I continued whenever I felt like I needed to escape. 

I tried changing myself, my appearance, my attitude and my personality so that people would even consider being near me. I just wanted to be enough for anyone to be with me, help me, talk to me or even.... be my friend.

I never really had any good friends at school except for Mike. I had Max but she moved to California just after everything. It really broke me.

* * *  
After school I went home and sat in my room and cried a bit. Usually I would call Max at times like this but recently she's been ignoring my calls.

My dad wasn't home yet so I figured I would go for a walk, I do that when I need to focus on other things. 

I left a note on the fridge so dad wouldn't be worried if he came home early. 

"Hey dad I'm out on my usual walks, if you're home early don't worry about me I'm just in the woods behind the cabin- El"

* * *  
After I had walked for maybe 10 minutes or so I started hearing voices from behind the trees. I could hear it was a boy and a girl but I didn't think much of it Since people would usually hang out on the beach there. 

When I came closer though I started to recognize the voices. "Is that?" "No it can't be" I whispered underneath my breath. I stepped closer and saw that it surely was, it was Mike and Molly. What were they doing here and what are they saying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so um I hope you liked the story so for, like a said if you have any tips or ideas for the story let me know :) I don’t know what my schedule will be but I’ll try to update as much as I can:-) If you wanna know before I upload when I do then follow my instagram @softiemileven <3


	3. A day full of surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> El finds out what mike and molly are talking about and is later greeted by a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you’re enjoying the Story so far! If you have any questions, tips or suggestions for the story dm me on Instagram! @softiemileven <3 
> 
> ⚠️This story will have mentions of self harm, eating disorders and depression so if your sensitive Please don’t dead!⚠️
> 
> Thanks for supporting and understanding <3 - In

⚠️may be sensitive to some readers!⚠️   
Authors POV: 

Eleven sneaked closer and stood behind a tree

She stood there a while and listened to what they were saying and observing there actions

It was a normal and useless conversation at first and a couple of kisses in between which mad eleven feel uncomfortable 

She was about to leave when Molly said "S o what happened between you and that girl? What was her name uhh eleven? Yeah"

"We'll back then she was really into me I could tell. She was always wanting to be around me and would always ask about me in kind of a creepy way. I even caught her staring sometimes"

"Jeez"

" that's besides the point, so I knew she liked me but I never felt the same. I liked someone else.. but I felt so bad for not telling her and not liking her back. So I decided that I was gonna make myself like her and forget about my other crush. I tried and tried for months to convince myself I liked her and then I decided I would kiss her to see if I felt anything. And so I did. After I felt like I had betrayed myself and mostly my actual crush. So I started ignoring her and then stopped hanging out with her and instead I hung out with my actual crush."

"Wow that's... "

Mikes stared at the blonde girl with a curies yet confused face

" That's exactly what she deserves, yeah I mean she's such an ass"

"Yeah.." was the only thing mike could spot out with a nervous chuckle 

"Wait so who was your crush back then?" Molly asked 

"You" mike said shyly 

El stood there still the whole time taking it all in and sobbing without making any sound

After that she ran home with tears streaming down her face

* * *  
Elevens POV: 

I ran straight into my room and slammed the door without looking if my dad was there, which luckily he wasn't 

I though taking a walk would help me clear my mind but it made me feel worse, I felt crushed, used, useless, but mostly broken and betrayed 

I needed to take away the pain so I pulled out my box under my bed and took out my diary, a pen and a blade.

I quickly picked up the blade and started cutting. One, a sharp pain hit my left arm but I kept going. Two, it felt better but still hurt. Three, my emotional pain was forgotten for a couple seconds for it had turned into physical pain. Four, five, six. There was a pool of blood and the floor and my vision started getting blurry. Seven I ignored all the pain because I liked it, I liked feeling in control of everything. Eight, I became numb to all the pain. Nine, I felt alive. Ten, I stopped, and a split second later passed out. Probably because the loss of blood. Which I was used to

I woke up a couple of minutes later. I looked at what I had done was immediately hit with a wave if guilt, why? Why did I have to to this to myself? Why did I have to lie to everyone around me all the time and say I was fine? Why was I such a pain in the ass? Why did I deserve this? 

I wrote my feelings down in my diary while crying so much the paper got wet.

After I was done I picked up the phone and dialed Max's number, I knew she wasn't going to pick up but tried. 

As I thought she didn't pick up so I went to my bed and l laid there thinking a while. And eventually fell asleep. 

I eventually woke up from whispers outside my door. Then my door opened. It was.... max?


	4. The reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max is back and el tells her whats shes been missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you’re enjoying the Story so far! If you have any questions, tips or suggestions for the story dm me on Instagram! @softiemileven <3 
> 
> ⚠️This story will have mentions of self harm, eating disorders and depression so if your sensitive Please don’t dead!⚠️
> 
> If there are any spelling or grammar mistakes I apologize for that, I don’t read through them but I hope you understand the story :)
> 
> Thanks for supporting and understanding <3 - In

Max's POV: The day has finally come. I'm finally meeting el after three months of waiting and planning. I felt really bad for ignoring her the whole time but I hope this was worth it.

I opened her door ands she immediately shot out of bed with tears in her eyes

"Omg Max?!? Is that you" she cried out 

"It's me girl" I said as a ran towards her and gave her the biggest hug ever

After a while of hugging and crying we sat down on the floor next to her bed

I saw something on her floor that got me really worried

A pool of dried blood and... a blade? 

"Uhh el.. what-what's that?" I pointed toward the blood

She stayed silent 

"El? What happened?" I got really worried now

"I uhh... cut" she whispered 

"What? I can't hear you"

"I cut myself " she then spat out

"Woah okay. Wait what why?"

"I'm hurting and it helps me take away my pain"

"Why what happened"

"Mike he.. after you left he started ignoring me and after a while ( she explained everything that has happened and what she has done and feeling whatever, but I'm to lazy to write it)

"Girl I didn't know, why didn't you tell me I would've come sooner"

"I tried but you never answered..."

"I'm so sorry about that ,the reason behind that is because I was planning this trip here and I was afraid I would spoil it if I talked to you. I know it's a stupid reason but I hope you'll forgive me"

"Yeah, I'm just glad you're here now"

"Yea well now that I am here I'm going to help you"

"With what"

"One healing and stopping this bad habit of yours. Two tell mike you still like hi-"

"What! No you can't do that, he hates me don't you see?"

"So? You still gotta tell him how you feel before it's to late"

"Max please don tell him, I don't wanna interrupt his and Molly's relationship.

"Wait molly? As in molly smith?"

"Yea? What about her?"

"You never told me he dated molly smith"

"Okay maybe I missed that but what?"

"She went to my old school in California, she's lesbian"

"I thought she was American?"(If y'all got the reference I love you)

I laughed a bit at her response  
"El I- you really don't know what a lesbian is?"

"No? What is it?"

"It's uhh if you would've had a girlfriend you would've been lesbian"

"So is mike lesbian?"

"No *giggles* it's uh when a girl likes a girl in a romantic way and only girls no boys"

"Hm that's weird, maybe she changed her mind and she likes both now?"

"Yeah maybe"

"Okay I'm another note, I know you may not wanna talk about this now but I really wanna help you so could you please help me understand like how you feel about .... you know, everything?" I say worried for my best friends mental and physical health 

"Here how about you read this" 

She handed me her damp diary and I started reading it


	5. El’s diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only elevens diary and what she’s been going through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️This story will have mentions of self harm, eating disorders and depression so if your sensitive Please don’t dead!⚠️
> 
> I’m so sorry for not updating in like another but I’ve had the biggest writers block so I hope you understand :)
> 
> If there are any spelling or grammar mistakes I apologize for that, I don’t read through them but I hope you understand the story :)
> 
> Thanks for supporting and understanding <3 - I

⚠️WARNING HAS HUGHE MENTIONS IF DEPRESSION SELF HARM SUICIDE AND RAPE⚠️

Idk what pov i guess elevens but its her diary so idk

1983 March 13

Dear diary. Today was a weird day, I went home to mikes house to study which we did but after that when I went home he grabbed my hand and kissed me? I don't know what to think about it, I mean I really like him and I have for a while now but it's just.. I don't know maybe its nothing but after he kissed me and I looked up at him he had sort of regret in his eyes. I ran away street that. Maybe that was the wrong decision maybe I should've stayed and asked him about it. I'll se if I can talk to him about it tomorrow at school. Hopefully he didn't actually regret it... I mean I liked it sooo. Anyway I'm out -L 

1983 March 28

Dear diary. Mike has been ignoring me for a while now. Ever since the kiss, he barely even talks to me anymore. I tried talking about the kiss and he just looked at me and looked away again. I don't know if I've done something wrong. It's a bummer really. I liked him and kinda thought he liked me to but obviously not. And also I had chicken for dinner today :-) that's all bye -L

1983 April 1

Dear diary. Recently I haven't been on my best mood. This whole thing about mike really has me upset, and now he's not sitting near me at lunch, not even with the party. He's always sitting with this girl molly and her friends. He's changed a lot honestly. Has he forgotten I exist? And apparently he forgot o have feeling as well.He probably hates me and I was just stupid to think he ever saw me as more then a friend. Mikes not the only one who has forgotten I have feelings, today is April fools day and I found a note in my locker saying " you're whole life is a joke" signed / M. I refuse to think it's him. I also got Tripped by this moutbreather Troy on my way to class and then he and his friends just stood there laughing. -L

1983 April 28

Dear diary. The school bullying haven't gotten better , all the popular kids are conspiring against me and they call me names everyday as they push, kick or punch me. They call me freak, mistake, worthless, slut, idiot, bitch, fat, and disappointment. They always stare me down In class and then start whispering about me. I've stopped eating lunch in school because that's when most of the bullying happens. It doesn't really affect me anyway since whenever I did eat I sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria and they would come up to me and say things like " look it's to fat freak who can't se what's to much" or " are you sure you wanna eat all of that? It sure is a lot isn't it slut?" So I have lost my appetite -L

1983 June 17  
Things have gotten so bad in school. Every day I get greeted with " hi freak" or " look it's fatty plain Jane " I try act like I don't care but deep down I do, I would run immediately to the bathroom and sit there crying my eyes out without anyone there to comfort me. Then when I leave I would look in the mirror and whisper to myself " fat, ugly , worthless, disappointment, disgusting, unwanted, unloved." The worst part is it's all true, no one loves me. No one wants me to be here and I'm not worthy of being here. I've started cutting myself to cope with the pain, I heard about it from some girls at school, and then I tried it and it kinda helped. I felt something other than numb. I felt In control and I liked it, I like how I can control what's happening and my feelings. 

—— huge time skip cuz I'm lazy—— 

1985 January 16 

Maybe I shouldn't be here, on this world. No one wants me here so no One would care if I was gone right? Maybe that's the easiest way out of this mess so called life. I'm worthless why else would all my " friends" freeze me out like this and change for Someone better, prettier, like molly. Why couldn't I be like her? She's so pretty and everyone knows that. Her beautiful body, that is so perfect formed. Her perfect eyes that shine so bright whenever she's around. Here beautiful clear skin, her long and beautiful ginger hair that flowed when she walked. I'm nothing next to her. That's why mike chose her instead of me, I'm nothing. 

Max could se blood on the paper from her cutting right after this. Her tears were rolling down her face at this point and so were elevens, but for a while other reason. 

1985 January 25 

Today I tried to escape, escape my pathetic life, escape from everyone and everything, escape from this world. I went to the bathroom and turned on the water on the bathtub. I made it ice cold. I felt it with my fingers when it was filled up all the way. It almost didn't feel like anything since my body was allready Ice cold and pale due to lack of well everything, food, water, sleep, tears, blood, body fluid. I laid down and just sat there for a while an thought about what would happen when I was finally gone. Everyone would be satisfied right? They always tell me to die and that I'm a dead girl walking. I finally decided it was time so I took one last breath and dove under the water. I breathed in and immediately my lungs filled with water and my body tried to get up but I wouldn't let it.

I couldn't breath 

Every sense in my body was gone

I finally made it

And then black 

I later wake up again somehow and shoot up gasping for air and totally forgetting what I was trying to do. After I regained consciousness I realized I failed. I'm a failure. I can't do one thing right. Not even take my own life 

1985 February 3  
Pe class. 11:29 am. Girls locker room. Mark had walked in on me crying and came to comfort me I guess. I was really surprised someone even saw me, I was caught of guard and threw my hands that were previously supporting my head into the air and he caught them. He then helped me get up so I stood against the locker with him In front of me. 

He then took both my wrists in one hand and slammed them against the lockers above my head. I let out a small " ow" and what u got in response is " shut up". He leaned in to kiss me and I looked away making him kiss my cheek. He then took his other hand and slapped my face to look at him and said " listen slut you're going to do what I want and that's it!" I was paralyzed scared for my life. He started kissing me which I didn't return be he proceed either way. He than took his hand and placed it in my thigh and slowly started to drag it upwards towards my private area. 

His hand went up my hips and along the waistline of my shorts while he kept my hands above my head and kissed me. Me being frozen in place didn't do or say anything, I couldn't even if I tried. I didn't like this but I had no choice but to just stand there. Then his hand slid into my shorts and underwear and started touching me. I let out a groan out of pure fear and disgust. 

He than pushed me down on the floor and took of his pants and underwear. Then he raped me right then and there in the floor in the girls locker room. I wanted to scream but not a single sound came out of my mouth despite how hard I tried. When he felt satisfied he got up but his clothes back on looked at me and said " you tell anyone and you're dead you hear me?!" I nodded quickly " good, bye you slut" he then left and I was left there in the floor completely in shock of what just happened. I tried to stand up but me legs already so weak we're now dead, they didn't work. I pushed myself up but they wouldn't move. 

I eventually got home somehow and I felt disgusting. I took a bath and scrubbed so hard I had big red spots where skin was peeling of from me trying to cleanse my body. However much I scrubbed I just felt even more disgusting. I took out my blade and slit my wrist. I cut more than I usually would hoping I would die from the loss of blood however I only passed out. - L

Max was ugly crying and looked up to some el doing the same. She got up and tossed herself on el and hugged her, feeling her skinny body that felt like hugging a skeleton. There was only bone and skin left and max realized she needed to do something. Her best friends can probably will and wants to die.


	6. Not an update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi this ain’t an update

Hii! I’m so sorry for not updating for such a long time and also not letting you guys know :( I kinda forgot I we wore this X/ 

So the question is do you guys want me to continue this story? If yes pleas comment and maybe I will :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so um I hope you liked the story so for, like a said if you have any tips or ideas for the story let me know :) I don’t mnlw what my schedule will be but I’ll try to update as much as I can:-) If you wanna know before I upload when I do then follow my instagram @softiemileven <3


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